Day One

I have had some friends ask me to write my story of when there is a death in the family. I’ll try to do my best from the beginning.

Two and a half years ago October, I got home at lunch from errands. There were a number of messages left on the phone. As I listened to them first I thought something has happened to my aunt, then after another message maybe my mom. Finally the last message was to call another aunt. I was starting to get anxious and called my aunt, she would not tell me anything but did say my mom was there. She insisted in talking to my husband. At this time I handed the phone over and when he hung up he informs me that my brother who is two years younger then me had died while on vacation in Belize.

I have to digest this and come up with some kind of plan. We wait till the end of the school day and pick up the kids, We then proceed to tell them. And try to answer questions we don’t have answers for as we drive across town to be with the rest of my family.

Once we are there I talk with my mom who of course is a mess. Her thoughts are not clear she is crying and rambling. I try to get her calm and find out just what has been happening. Because my parents are divorced things are a little more tense as different sides want to help. One relative is talking to Foreign Affairs trying to find out protocol in situations like this. Then I am talking to FA office in Guatemala getting confirmation that yes they have his body and we have to wait till the next business day for further information.

I come back to the living room where more family and friends have arrived, There is a lot of back and forth of what to do next but no decisions are being made. I need to be busy, I can’t just sit there while everyone talks in circles. Everyone has an opinion on what needs to be done. I can feel myself getting angry and try to just talk to my parents. As we can make know decisions tonight, my focus turns to my other siblings. They have not been told yet. Because of time changes I have to wait till I know my sister is home from work. I then call my youngest brother’s father (our ex-stepfather) I hide myself in a bedroom and make the call. For me to keep it together I have to be very formal, very to the point, very business. I tell John what has happened, as we know it. Of course he wants to do something but at this point there is nothing that can be done. I hang up, compose myself to call my sister. It takes her a minute to get on the phone as the family is celebrating her sons birthday. I tell her the best I can and of course the tears are starting now. I tell her I will call her tomorrow when I know more. At this time my youngest brother calls. My cousin had arranged to have a friend go to his work and tell him. Fortunately for me I don’t have to actually say the words "Len has died". We talk for a while he is obviously upset and again I tell him I will call him tomorrow when I know more.

Back downstairs with the extended family I get names and numbers for Foreign Affairs, and the number of a funeral home that can be agreed on. We gather up our kids and head for home. I just want to go to bed and not think about this anymore.