Day Three, four, five etc…

My memory is playing tricks on me and the next few days are a blur of phone calls and tentative arrangement. Both my siblings are calling regularly wanting to know when they should fly home. I keep putting them off till I have more information from FA (foreign affairs). I want them home, but somehow instinctively know I will need them more after the funeral then before.

The FA caseworker assigned to our situation has been wonderful and calls regularly with updates. But still not much is happening and he does try to explain we are dealing with a third world country and may never get full answers to our questions. The government’s priority is to get Len body home.

Our household returns to a somewhat state of normal, meals are made, kids are at school, we return to work, plans for Halloween are being made. For me as long as I stay busy I am fine. I find I don’t handle it well when people want to hug me and express their condolences but on the other hand if they don’t acknowledge my loss I am offended. It is a no win situation for all.

What I found the most frustrating during this time was trying to keep control on the situation. Why I felt I needed to be in control is beyond me but I was adamant that we keep a chain of command. Because I was dealing with the painful grief of both parents whom live two very different separate lives. It felt to me that both parents were getting advice from others who meant well but for me I really wanted these decisions made as a family without the outside influences. I was concerned that we handle the death and subsequent estate as private and legal as we could. I didn’t want anyone having hard feelings about what was going on or feeling like their voice was not heard.
As much as I have never been involved with an estate I needed to be in charge of it. Both my parents were in know way able to cope with the details, and the issue of trust was ever present. Both siblings don’t live in the province and didn’t want the job. So I somewhat insisted on the job of executor. I justified my reasoning, as I was the most flexible with my time. It was important to me that the executor be a member of the immediate family. And when you really get down to it how much work could it be!