The First Family Gathering

Less then a month after Len’s funeral the entire family was getting together for a ‘New House’ party. The party was being held out near where Len lived so we also made plans to pick up Len’s ashes on our way.

I have never held the ashes of a person before. I didn’t know what to expect but when the plastic bag with a box in it was passed to me it was a little shocking. It was just a plain nondescript grey box, no more then 8 inches long and 8 inches high. I didn’t know what to do with it, curiosity wanted me to look in the box but the scared part of me didn’t want anything to do with it. The kids were a little freaked out by the whole situation and so we decided to store the box in the trunk. So now Len is sitting in my trunk and we are our way to a party, seems like such an oxymoron.

The closer we get to the party, the more nervous I seem to get. I think to myself how can the rest of the world carry on, doesn’t anyone notice that everything is different now? It takes all the energy I have to get dressed each day and now I have to be happy too. If I had it my way, we would turn around and head for home. To late we are pulling into the driveway. We walk up to the door, I look at the kids, tell them to put there ‘brave face’ on and in we go

The house is crowded with family and lots of people we don’t know. As we walk in heads turn and everyone stares at us. This is the first time we have all been together since the funeral and there is an awkward silence. I don’t know what to do or say the kids are trying to hide behind me, my husband is keeping himself busy with coats and bags. After what seems an eternity my mother comes up to me and hugs me. Just seeing her here is reminding me that Len is in the trunk of my car. Emotion is over whelming me and I am having a hard time trying not to cry. My mother takes me upstairs to a bedroom and we talk and cry. We have talked everyday since Len’s funeral but today is the first time we have seen each other. I tell her about our earlier stop and that we have Len in the trunk for her to take home. We decide that it is best not to tell anyone else about Len being in my car.

Mom and I return to the party and mingle. I can’t remember much of the party but I am assuming we ate, drank and laughed. What we ate drank or laughed about I have no clue but after a while the awkwardness seemed to subside. We eventually said our goodbyes, my husband went out to the car and got Len and gave him to my mom.